La Libertine

Archive for November 2010

Posted on: November 15, 2010

I’m quite sad to be without you, to be honest. But to stay true to myself, I had to do it. If not, I would never forgive myself.

God knows how in love I was with you, and how badly I wanted you to love me. But without love, where would we be? You’re there and I am here.

I’m hurt that you haven’t tried to speak to me. But at the same time, I’m thankful that now I know that I’m not worth the effort to you, and that you don’t value me as much as you say you do.

When I was with you, I was dying of boredom and angst. Now that I’m not with you, my life has a lot more colour (vibrancy diffusion?). But that still doesn’t change the fact that I am/was emotionally attached to you.

To me, you were an Ideal. You were virile, masculine and intelligent, but sweet, kind and unselfish at the same time. How disappointed I became when this façade dropped and you showed yourself to be incredibly banal and regular. I know that even if we tried again, the illusion is broken forever and that I can’t look at you the same way.

People might say that I’m being petty and immature, but I’m only 21 years old. I cannot for the life of me afford to be strapped into something that I don’t want, not this early in life. I want to experience true love and freedom in all its splendour, I don’t want to be sitting around and hoping that one day things will get better. I stuck by my ex for that reason, and I learnt my lesson.

A few months from now, you will be a distant memory, an anecdote for a night out. But right now, I stand by what I said — I’ll always be thankful for meeting you, and that no matter what happens/happened between us, I’ll never regret the time we spent together. You were impeccable when I was with you personally; it was too bad that it was an image that you couldn’t sustain.

Now, excuse me while I enter the void.



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